December Now and Forever

Wow, I cannot believe it's December already. Today is the day most people make a decision that can shape their life for the next four years. The day I have been stressing over lately. I have already made decisions on other schools. I signed up for early decision which was the right decision for me.

I really cant believe its December 1st, seventeen more days and its my birthday. I'm going to be 18. My childhood is gonna be officially over. Although I know that I'm always a child inside. I like my life right now. Even though there are moments when I come to realize that I somehow messed something up. I'm accepting of those feeling.

Yesterday around 10pm I broke down crying. It was the strangest one of the few that has happened to me recently. I was putting a puzzle together, I looked down at the pieces and I realized at that moment that I am a failure. I realized that I am not perfect, nobody is, but at that moment I felt as if I was the most imperfect thing to ever be. I became sad all of a sudden over the thought of growing up and not being with my family anymore. I realized that I spent far less time with my family now. I somehow wish I was still a child, so that they can be with me all the time. Life has become more complicated and less social.

I want my childhood to stay, and I want to make drastic changes to my life. Not bad changes. I want to be more connected to my family. I want to feel more loving and more understanding. I love them so much. And I cant bear to lose them over my selfishness.